How I licked nervousness and learned to enjoy performing

I used to have a major problem enjoying my own gigs. Even when all my bandmates and all the audience enjoyed themselves, I would sometimes have a bad time. I decided it was a problem I needed to solve, because I knew music was my life, and I would have an unhappy life unless I figured out how to enjoy it more consistently. I didn't know the answer, but I set about looking. 

I slowly became aware that my gigs were plagued by worrying about impressing others. Between every chord and word, there were thoughts about impressing this woman in the front or that club-owner at the back. I tried hard to banish these thoughts, but found that trying NOT TO THINK about something is futile. I needed something else to place my focus on, something more uplifting than worrying about people's reactions.

This is what I hit upon: focus on the flow of inspiration which bubbles up from below while I perform, giving me all kinds of big and little instructions, like play this note a little louder, play that passage a little slower, say this thing to the audience, close my eyes and move that way during the solo. These aren't mental calculations about how to impress, motivated by fear of not being good enough or not being loved. They are the true creative impulses, the stuff that inspires music in the first place. And they're there most of the time, once you learn to tune into them. Like when you actually hear in your head the next note in a solo you're taking or a song you're writing.

Sometimes these spontaneous impulses tell me to do things I'm sure are bad ideas, like playing a second sad song after I've just played one. But I found that if I really focus on diligently listening to and following them, playing exactly what I HEAR, rather than what I THINK will impress, two great things happen. One is that it always works out. The genuine impulse always turns out to be the right thing to do in the moment, my show becomes more inspired, magical, and enjoyable for everyone else. And the other is that I stop worrying about whether people will be impressed or not, and the show becomes enjoyable for me!

So my key was this: focus on inspiration, not impressing!

How to Make Great Potato Salad

In my opinion, the quality of potato salad has much more to do with the potatoes then the dressing. If a potato is mushy or mealy, no preparation can turn it into a good salad. On the other hand, a potato done the way I like it has a dense, waxy texture that is so nice, it can be a great pleasure to eat completely undressed, or with just a sprinkle of salt. Once you've achieved a potato like that, the journey to a great salad, via many possible dressings, seasonings, and additions, is short.

So most of this piece will be devoted to explaining how I avoid the mealiness and get the waxiness. It's not difficult, as long as you follow these simple rules:

1. use the right potato
2. don't refrigerate it before or after cooking
3. cook just until a thin tool, when inserted, meets no hard parts in the centre
4. don't pare, cut or peel until cooked and cooled

POTATOES

Regarding varieties, I've mainly had bad results with russet, fingerling, and purple potatoes, and good results with Yukon Gold, PEI, and white. But the ones I find most reliable are redskins, any size. If they've started to sprout or are no longer rock-hard, it's not really a problem.

Refrigerating potatoes, either before or after cooking them, for some reason seems to destroy good texture. So after buying your potatoes, do not refrigerate. Store in a cool, dark place, where a little air can get to them, until using.

Avoiding refrigeration after cooking means that you can't make your salad far ahead of time. So don't make it, stick it in the fridge, and then serve it later. Even if you let it come back to room temperature, it will still have a mealy texture.

However, you CAN boil your potatoes in advance, because cooked, un-peeled potatoes can stay out of the fridge at least a day. Your potato salad will of course be best if you make it shortly after cooking. But if you want to do some of your work ahead of time, boil the potatoes, let them sit uncovered for several hours, even overnight, and then cut and dress them at the last minute.

Begin by rinsing the potatoes. If there are crusty, black spots on the skin, scrub these off with a brush or abrasive sponge. You don't need to get every last spot; they will soften and be lost in the final product.

Part of the key to the waxy texture, I've read, is letting steam remain and condense in the potato after it has cooked. So don't pare, peel, or cut your potatoes before cooking, or else steam will escape from them.

Put your potatoes in the smallest pot that will hold them, to save water and energy. Cover with water and bring to the boil, with the lid on. Then turn down to simmer, covered. I usually don't salt the cooking water. It may be that salting the water leads to a tastier result then merely salting the dressing, but I haven't experimented enough to know.

The potatoes are done when a small, thin knife, skewer, or fork goes in without finding hardness in the centre. Their skins may have begun to split, and they will give a little without falling apart when gently pinched. To avoid overcooking, start testing the potatoes before you think they're done, but don't puncture them too many times, or steam will escape, and they may break.

Cooking time depends mainly on the size of potatoes. Golf-ball sized ones may be done after 10 or 15 minutes of simmering. If you have different sizes, test and remove smaller ones first, letting the larger ones cook longer. The used cooking water often has a nice taste and can be saved for making soups or stews.

After cooking, don't cut or peel the potatoes until their steam has condensed. They don't have to cool all the way to room temperature; warm potato salad is actually lovely. But let them sit out of the water and away from the stove, at least until they are comfortable to hold. This will take about 25 minutes, depending on the potatoes' size and the temperature of the air.

You can now finally remove any eyes, sprouts, or blemishes, using a paring knife or your fingernail. I never peel potatoes because I've been told the skin is rich in nutrients, I like how it tastes, and I don't like to waste food. But if you want a very clean, delicate salad, go ahead.

Cut the potatoes into bite size chunks or slices, large enough to not fall apart during mixing. The cut surfaces should be smooth and almost shiny. And you may see thin lines of slime stretch between the slices when you separate them. This is the sign of a perfectly chosen, handled, and cooked potato! If you're working with fresh ingredients, there is almost nothing you can do to ruin it now.

DRESSING

There's no limit to the good things you can do with a dense, waxy, cooked potato. Here are some of my favourite preparations, starting with the simplest.

- plain
- just a sprinkling of salt
- salt and sour creme or creme fraiche
- salt and olive oil
- salt, olive oil, white or freshly ground black pepper, and vinegar or fresh lemon juice
- salt, olive oil, pepper, vinegar or lemon, apples, and chopped celery (this recipe is from my parents' Norwegian friend, Lise Striar)
- mayonnaise, and maybe a bit of salt
- mayonnaise, pickles or capers, and chopped fresh herbs
- salt, vinegar, pepper, ethically raised bacon, mayonnaise and/or the fat released during cooking the bacon, medium-cooked ethically raised eggs, a bit of onions or chives, and capers or chopped pickles (this recipe comes from my former wife's German grandmother)

When making any potato salad, don't over-mix, or the potatoes will start mashing into the dressing, making it pasty.

I don't always use salt, but when I do, I often go pretty heavy on it. The mildness of potatoes can absorb a lot of salt.

When using vinegar in potato salad, I usually avoid the heavy colour and flavour of balsamic, in favour of the lightness of wine or even white vinegar.

I prefer brined, rather than the standard vinegar-cured pickles. They come in a cloudy liquid, and Bubbies is an excellent brand.

When using store-bought mayonnaise, unless it already tastes sweet, I often add a pinch of sugar. Hellman's brand in particular has a slight harshness I like to offset with a little sugar or honey. I never, ever use low-fat mayonnaise or sour cream for anything. Yuck!

I love making mayonnaise from scratch, which I usually blend with plenty of mixed fresh herbs during the warm months, or chipotle during the cold. Both go beautifully with potatoes.

One of my favourite potato salads involves just potatoes, mayonnaise (store-bought is fine), chopped fresh lemon-thyme, and pickles. Lemon-thyme is a variety of thyme found more often in gardens than in stores. For two cups of sliced potatoes, I'd use about a third cup mayonnaise, a half teaspoon of chopped lemon-thyme, and a half cup chopped pickles.